Sometimes I'm Afraid

I feel silly writing a blog.

I fear that people see it and think that I think I have something important to say. I do think I have something important to say. I like the way I frame things. It seems to me that other people appreciate it when I speak up about topics. But then I hear a voice asking me, "Why are your thoughts better than any others?"

I'm afraid that people will read my writing and think what I watching coach potatoes claim they can do a better job than professional athletes on the television.

In a world inundated with individuals "sharing" their every moment with the world, I wonder if there is any worth in submitting my thoughts to the same sea of personal disclosure.

I fear being too open. That somehow someone I work with will read what I've written and it might offend them.

I fear sharing thoughts about my personality, my inner thoughts, and my family, because someone I don't know might read them and learn something about me I don't want them to know.

I'm afraid that even if my sentences are coherent that my posts will too scattered to make sense - going from Gospel applications to social commentary to programming success to team building insights.

I'm afraid that I have something of a platform to share what God has done and risk not providing a balance to different thoughts represented on the internet.

I'm afraid that if I don't write some of my thoughts down they will never become clear.

I'm afraid that I won't have an outlet to practice writing and lose the discipline of expressing my thoughts clearly and concisely.

I'm afraid of losing a creative expression for poetry, metaphor, and turn of phrase. That email will become my only written expression that boils down to leaving co-workers electronic sticky notes.

I feel silly not writing a blog.

Practicing the Presence of God

All of this occurred to fulfill the Lord’s message through his prophet: “Look! The virgin will conceive a child! She will give birth to a son, and they will call him Immanuel, which means ‘God is with us.’” Matthew 1:23-24

Immanuel. God with us. What a name!

At age 2, Titus love to play. He loves to look at rocket ship pictures, play with puzzles, and drive Thomas the Train. Whenever he goes into another room to play, he looks back and says, "Tome, Daddy. Tome." He will try his mother, sister, and anyone else he can find to "tome and play" with him. His desire is for us to be with him - to be present. While melting my heart, Titus helps me understand better our deepest heart desire.

A few weeks ago Angela Hanor shared at our Broad devotional that she was reflecting on the Advent in the three tenses - past, present, and future. She explained how we often reflect on the past coming of Christ and even look forward to the future coming. It was new to her, and new to me, to reflect on the present coming of Christ.

For the past, we remember the mystery and intrigue of angels appearing to Mary and Jospeh. We reenact the shepherds humble call. We tell our children about the inn that was full and the manager that became fit for the Infant King. We imagine the hope that the people of Israel had for the promised savior, and the joy that was shared even at that humble birth. We proclaim the peace that is offered through the love of the Father. In Advent, we remember when Jesus came.

For the future, we remind ourselves of the promises that Jesus has to return and to gather his church together. Like the Jewish people of old, we hope for the return of our promised Messiah. We anticipate the joy of his triumph over evil, and walk in peace assured of his victory. We look forward to the ultimate expression of love as we live and worship in His presence. In Advent, we look forward to when Jesus will come again.

But God is the God of all time - Past, Future, and Present. He is not only the God who was and will be. He is the God who is. His very name communicates that He is in the present; Yahweh - I AM THAT I AM. And yet, in most of my meditations on Advent, I have relegated him to be the I AM THAT I WAS or the I AM THAT I WILL BE. The Eternal God is always in the now. He is always present.

Just like Titus, we have a deep desire for God to be present with us. We long for Him to be with us and to enjoy his presence. This is what makes the promise of the Great Commission so special, "And lo, I am with you even to the end of the age."

Even as I read that promise, I have to admit that I do not always feel like that promise is true. As I was reflecting on this, I was reminded of Brother Lawrence of the Resurrection. In "Practicing the Presence", a collection of his letters to those asking these same questions, Brother Lawrence outlines the simplicity of this spiritual discipline. As a cook in a monastery, Brother Lawrence found that he could fellowship with God and experience his presence by doing two things - continuing the conversation and making the end of action the Love of God.

First, Brother Lawrence worked diligently continue the conversation with the Lord. This phrasing is especially helpful for me. Even after the initial prayer of the day or devotional time or hymn, he would work to listen to the Lord and respond in his heart and with his mouth to continue the conversation with the Lord. As Paul commanded, we are to pray continually.
As I asked others about reasons why we don't pray continually we thought of a few different reasons, why we can't do what Brother Lawrence spoke of:

1. Not being able to multi-task
2. Knowing that we are spending our time the best way and not wanting to invite the Lord there
3. Not having enough time to pray AND to do the tasks we have to do
4. Afraid that the Lord would call us to asceticism and tell us to give up everything

When we mentioned these and explored them further, we realized that the deeper issue under these is that there is a subtle lack of trust. We don't really trust that the Lord is good, that He is a good Father, and that He desires good for us. We are afraid that what he wants for us is not what we would want for ourselves. We think that the tasks that we have chosen are more important than asking what the Lord would even have us do. As this came out, I realized that I have held my to-do list very close, and need to continue the conversation with the Lord about what I commit to do.

Practically, continuing the conversation is simply conversing with the Lord with all the details of what is going on. As I rake the leaves, I talk to the Lord about tending his creation. As I hear about a coworkers personal issues, I hear the Lord speak a word to me about her that I choose to share. It seems so natural, and yet is a discipline for many of us. Trusting that it is the Lord's kindness that leads us to repentance helps free up my heart to let him in to speak to me about anything and everything I'm doing.

Second, Brother Lawrence intentionally looked at every action that he did and worked to make the purpose of it all the Love of God. His ultimate goal was to make sure that even if he was picking up straw in a field that it was done as an expression of love to the Lord. This second discipline in practicing the presence of God is one of intentionality and reflection. Love hopes all things and presses us to find the Lord in the simplicity of obedience in the day to day reality of life.

So, through these two disciplines there is a way to practice the presence of God and experience the wonder of Jesus' precious promise. In addition, the Advent in the Present happens through the Body of Christ here and now. Paul makes it clear that we as the church are the Body of Christ. Even more clearly, In Colossians 1, Paul said, "the mystery that has been kept hidden for ages and generations, but is now disclosed to the Lord’s people. To them God has chosen to make known among the Gentiles the glorious riches of this mystery, which is Christ in you, the hope of glory." The hope of glory is that Christ is in us. This means that the present Advent of Christ is us! We, the church, are Christ for the world now. He came physcially in the past, and will return bodily in the future. However, during this in-between time, we are to be his body, and Christ in us is the demonstration to the rest of the world of God's love through Christ.

Through all of this, I am encouraged that Jesus IS come. He is the I AM that I AM. He has promised to be present with us to the end of the age and we can experience this through continual conversation and intentionally seeking to love him in every action. And WE are the present coming of Christ. Christ in us is the hope of glory.

Amazing.